IELTS Writing Section: Task 2 Parte 2

\---- TEXTO SIN CORREGIR---- Positive and negative effect of shopping. These days so many people like to go shopping with credit cards or even spending all money they have save in order to buy the lastest tendecy product.On the other hand, there are some critics who believe that going shoping is part of a systematic global control of the biggest corporations who can manipulate our buying-decition in order to waste all our money and being more poor every month. Well, here I would like to share my point of view concern this respect. Firstly, I agree that going shopping is necesary when you have to get some important product that you can not find easily nearly your neighbourhood. for example medical devices for specific treatments or when you need some medicins, well, in these cases I can take in consideration going to a lond distance shopping-centers where there is a major diversty of products. Furthermore, when you need to buy specific training machines which which only are selled in a distant place-market. In other words, going shopping is not bad if you have a list of things you really need to buy and are indespesable for you daily-live or working routine. On the other hand, in my opinion the bad consecuences of going to shopping more frequently is that you lost the control in your personal fincances because you get a lot of debt or you see like somenthing normal waste all you money and no have nothing in case of emergency. It is somenthing dangerous these days that the people do not elaborate financial planification for the month and even they are easily influenced by bank-advertising. In conclution, I think that it is necesary a buying-plannification list before going shopping, because when you get exited about everything you see at shopping center you really waste all your money and it is ever worse when the corporation know how to influece on your buying-decition criteria, so it is crucial being awareness how spend your money when you go shopping. \---- TEXTO CORREGIDO-------- **Positive and Negative Effects of Shopping** These days, **many people enjoy shopping with credit cards** or even **spending all the money they have saved** to buy the **latest trendy products**. On the other hand, **some critics believe that shopping is part of a systematic global control by large corporations** that manipulate **our buying decisions** to make us **spend all our money and end up poorer every month**. Here, I would like to share my perspective **on this matter**. Firstly, I agree that **shopping is necessary when you need to purchase important products that are not easily available in your neighborhood**. For example, **medical devices for specific treatments or medications** that may only be found in large shopping centers with a **wider variety** of products. Additionally, when you need to buy specific training **equipment that is only sold in distant markets**, shopping becomes essential. In other words, shopping isn’t bad if you have a list of **items you truly need**, especially if these items are **indispensable for your daily life or work routine**. On the other hand, in my opinion, one negative consequence of **frequent shopping** is that it can lead to **a loss of control over personal finances**, resulting in significant debt. **It can also make people see overspending as normal**, leaving them unprepared for emergencies. This is particularly dangerous these days, as **many people fail to plan their finances monthly** and are easily influenced by **bank advertising**. In conclusion, I believe **it is necessary to create a shopping list before going to stores**. When you **get overly excited about everything you see at the shopping center**, you can easily waste all your money. This issue is even worse when **corporations know how to influence your buying decisions**, so it is crucial to be aware of **how you spend your money** when you go shopping. \-----------CORRECIONES------------ **Explicación de cada corrección:** 1\. **"so many people like to go shopping"** → **"many people enjoy shopping"** o “Enjoy shopping” es más natural y preciso para expresar una preferencia habitual. “Like to go” es informal y menos fluido a nivel avanzado. 2\. **"spending all money they have save"** → **"spending all the money they have saved"** o Se agregó “the” y se corrigió "save" a "saved" para indicar posesión y tiempo pasado, mejorando la precisión gramatical. 3\. **"lastest tendency product"** → **"latest trendy products"** o “Lastest” es incorrecto; la forma correcta es “latest.” “Trendy products” es más natural que “tendency product,” que no es una expresión común en inglés. 4\. **"there are some critics who believe that going shoping is part of a systematic global control of the biggest corporations who can manipulate our buying-decition"** → **"some critics believe that shopping is part of a systematic global control by large corporations that manipulate our buying decisions"** o Simplificación de la estructura, corrección ortográfica de "shopping" y "decision" y cambio a “large corporations” para mayor fluidez y precisión. 5\. **"waste all our money and being more poor every month"** → **"spend all our money and end up poorer every month"** o "Waste" suena informal y repetitivo; "spend" es más adecuado en este contexto. “Being more poor” se corrigió a “end up poorer,” que es más idiomático y formal. 6\. **"my point of view concern this respect"** → **"my perspective on this matter"** o “Concern this respect” es incorrecto y confuso; “on this matter” es una expresión más precisa y formal. 7\. **"going shopping is necesary when you have to get some important product that you can not find easily nearly your neighbourhood"** → **"shopping is necessary when you need to purchase important products that are not easily available in your neighborhood"** o Corrección ortográfica de "necesary," y mejora en la estructura para claridad y precisión. 8\. **"medical devices for specific treatments or when you need some medicins"** → **"medical devices for specific treatments or medications"** o "Medicins" es incorrecto; la forma correcta es "medications." 9\. **"I can take in consideration going to a lond distance shopping-centers"** → **"I consider going to large shopping centers"** o "Take in consideration" se cambió a "consider," que es más directo. Corrección ortográfica de "lond" a "large" y cambio de "shopping-centers" a "shopping centers." 10\. **"there is a major diversty of products"** → **"a wider variety of products"** o Corrección ortográfica de "diversty," y cambio de expresión a “wider variety” para mayor naturalidad. 11\. **"buy specific training machines which which only are selled in a distant place-market"** → **"buy specific training equipment that is only sold in distant markets"** o "Which which" es redundante, “selled” es incorrecto; la forma correcta es “sold.” Simplificación y mejora del vocabulario. 12\. **"indespesable for you daily-live or working routine"** → **"indispensable for your daily life or work routine"** o Corrección ortográfica de "indespesable" y cambio de "daily-live" a "daily life" para claridad y precisión. 13\. **"bad consecuences of going to shopping more frequently"** → **"negative consequence of frequent shopping"** o “Bad consequences” se cambió a “negative consequence” para mayor formalidad y precisión. 14\. **"lost the control in your personal fincances"** → **"loss of control over personal finances"** o Corrección gramatical y ortográfica de "lost" y "fincances." 15\. **"you see like somenthing normal waste all you money and no have nothing in case of emergency"** → **"It can also make people see overspending as normal, leaving them unprepared for emergencies"** o Corrección de “somenthing” a “something,” y reestructuración completa para claridad y formalidad. 16\. **"elaborate financial planification"** → **"plan their finances"** o “Financial planification” es incorrecto; “plan their finances” es más natural y directo. 17\. **"In conclution, I think that it is necesary a buying-plannification list before going shopping"** → **"In conclusion, I believe it is necessary to create a shopping list before going to stores"** o Corrección de “conclution” y “necesary” y simplificación de “buying-plannification list.” 18\. **"get exited about everything you see at shopping center"** → **"get overly excited about everything you see at the shopping center"** o Corrección ortográfica de “exited” y adición de “overly” para mayor precisión. 19\. **"it is ever worse when the corporation know how to influece on your buying-decition criteria"** → **"This issue is even worse when corporations know how to influence your buying decisions"** o Simplificación de estructura y corrección ortográfica de “influece” y “decition.” 20\. **"being awareness how spend your money"** → **"be aware of how you spend your money"** o “Being awareness” es incorrecto; “be aware of” es la expresión correcta.